At This Moment, You Mean Everything
by spacefemme
Summary: The universe is restored, more or less, but it doesn't feel that way until they find her again. [Follows "Don't Waste the Sun on a Rainy Day]


The abandoned archive looks only slightly more destroyed than it did than the last time Gamora was here. Adam is lying lifeless on the floor, one arm splayed out as though still reaching for his blaster after she knocked it out of his hand and delivered the final blow. She steadies her breathing, ignoring the twisted feeling in her stomach as Peter stares at her from the other side of the wreckage. It's odd - he looks more confused than surprised to find her there. She thinks she must look dead-eyed, pressing a hand to the nearest table to hold herself steady. She feels numb somehow, the exhaustion hitting her all at once of having fought her way back to Knowhere, just trying to get somewhere the team would already know how to find once she managed to send out a signal.

"Why has no one said anything?" Drax says, looking like he doesn't know the weight of what's happened. Peter ignores him and takes a tentative step toward Gamora.

"We dunno where her mind's at," says Rocket as they watch Peter slowly approach her, his hands raised in a defensive position. "The timelines got crossed back on Terra; she could be a decade behind for all we know."

At that, Mantis' eyes widen with worry, and Groot looks down sadly.

Gamora furrows her brow, managing a confused squint in Peter's direction, silently asking for an explanation that he doesn't give. Her stomach is burning.

"Gamora," he says in a hushed tone once he's gotten close enough. He gestures behind him to the other Guardians. "Do you...remember...any of us? You know who we are?"

She raises an eyebrow and tilts her head. She heard Rocket's explanation just now, but the question is still ridiculous to her. She opens her mouth to speak, but by now the burning has risen up to her throat, and she hardly makes a sound before she turns back to face away from Peter while she throws up on the ground in front of her, both hands gripping the edge of the table.

"O-o-kay," says Peter, too surprised to be tactful.

Rocket makes a noise of disgust, and Mantis gets scared.

"What is coming out of her?!"

"It's vomit," says Drax, as if Mantis is supposed to understand from that.

"It's totally normal," Rocket assures her. "I mean, not so much for Gamora, but, ya know, generally. For most races."

"Unless she's been poisoned," says Drax matter-of-factly.

Gamora heaves again, and this time Peter pulls her hair back away from her face, gently, but still trying to be quick about it. Everyone else looks away except for Drax, who looks bored if anything.

She manages to make it back to the ship on her own, though Peter tries to help walk her there. She stumbles a bit, and doesn't speak to anyone on the way, but she gets there. Once inside, she realizes what she should have noticed right away, and whips around to face the group.

"Where is Nebula?" she says, her voice hoarse, her tone both demanding and frightened.

"Relax," says Rocket nonchalantly. "She and Thor are responding to another call. We're gonna pick 'em up later."

She furrows her brow.

"Thor's still around?"

At that, everyone shoots her some kind of look. Rocket raises his eyebrows and suppresses a snort. Groot gapes at her, which soon turns into a smile. Mantis immediately looks delighted that she's referencing her post-Thanos memories, Drax simply nods, and Peter's eyes widen, his lips parted. He looks about ready to melt. Whether it's in a positive or negative way remains to be seen.

"Yyyeah," Rocket says slowly. "Don't worry, you can ogle 'im all ya want when he gets back, though if you prefer a little less hair - ya know, anywhere - you might be kinda let down."

She rolls her eyes, and Peter looks down at him in annoyance, raising his arms and dropping them to his sides like a disappointed parent.

"Glad to see you remember the important stuff," says Rocket, laughing, unrelenting.

Gamora sighs and shakes her head.

"I need to wash out my mouth," she says, and turns to start toward the bathroom.

"Nah, don't worry," Rocket calls after her. "Ya didn't say any a' the dirty stuff out loud."

Behind her, she can hear the _thwap_ of someone hitting him upside the head and a hushed, "Hey!" in response.

Between washing her mouth, face, and hair, it takes around fifteen minutes for her to get cleaned up, at least enough for the time being. When she comes out, she sees Peter through the open door of their room, sitting on the bed, arms crossed with his elbows in his lap, staring at the wall in front of him with his lips pressed together in thought.

She remains silent as she goes in to join him, partly because her throat still feels raw, but mostly because she knows she's the one who's reduced him to this. Had she found some way to get away from Thanos before he could get it out of her - but then Nebula would have continued to suffer. It seems no matter which course she could have taken, someone else would have paid a price. She's been trying to formulate something to say to him for the last hour or so, since they finally found each other again, but she's coming up short. So it's the least she can do to sit next to Peter and suffer alongside him.

She shuts the door behind her.

He doesn't look at her until she sits down next to him on the bed. She doesn't touch him, but she returns his pitifully weak smile, noticing that there's a kind of glint in his eyes that truly is happy to see her, and despite everything she's thinking, it comforts her.

"Hey," he says flatly.

"Hey," she says, her voice still hoarse though she tried to drink as much fluids as she could in the bathroom.

"How you feelin'?"

"Better."

He nods.

"Good."

They're silent for another moment, until she says, "I didn't remember Thor before you."

"I know," he says defensively, uncrossing his arms and turning his palms out. "I'm not hung up on that."

"So what is it?"

"It's just a lot," he says, sighing, running a hand through his hair before gesturing to her as he goes on. "I mean, in a good way, obviously. But I was - I mean, we thought you might never turn up. Like, Thanos actually did kill you -"

"He did," she says, a different kind of lump emerging in her throat that threatens to make her sick in a manner far worse.

Now there are tears in his eyes. He doesn't wipe them away or do anything to acknowledge them, but he's not trying to hide them, either. She wonders if he even really notices them.

"Shit," he whispers, letting out a disbelieving laugh. Then he speaks up, "Well, then I guess we got that in common; we were both dead for a good five years."

There it is. She's heard about what it was like after Thanos, but she still can't bring herself to imagine how horrific it must have been. The thought of Peter vanishing into nothing is about on par with the terror of being literally thrown into Thanos' acquisition of that disgusting kind of power. She squeezes her eyes shut for a moment, then brings herself back again.

Peter sighs through his nose.

"Yeah, so you're probably kinda shaken up, too - I mean, maybe you are. I just - I wouldn't blame you, is what I mean. So if you wanna take some time to kinda get used to all this again, I don't know what you're gonna be comfortable with -"

She interrupts by taking his face in her hands and kissing him fiercely, as if it will somehow make up for all the time he had to go either wondering if she was alive or thinking she was dead. As if anything can make right what they've been through in the last - what, five years? Of course it doesn't feel like that long to them, but that does little in the way of comfort.

He must be on her wavelength, because he kisses her back the way he always has, like he's so enthralled by her that he can't believe he gets to kiss her at all, but as long as he does, he's going to make it worth her while. He articulated that once, back when they first got together, and it's the same sensation it was then. Things are never going to be the same after all that's happened, but in that regard, nothing has changed.

He runs his palms up the sides of her neck and presses his fingers gently against the back of it, curling them through her hair, right from the roots - not grabbing or pulling, just feeling.

They break away suddenly when Peter involuntarily sobs. When Gamora opens her eyes, he's smiling despite himself, and she realizes there are tears running down her face as well. She ignores them and touches her forehead to his, grasping his hand as he takes it out of her hair and across her jawline.

"It's okay," she whispers.

"You remembered this time."

She pulls away and furrows her brow.

"What?"

"Some weird shit happened," he says, shaking his head. "While you were gone. I can't even really wrap my head around it. Nebula can explain it when she gets back. But basically you were back, only you were like, a few years behind?"

"So I didn't know you."

He shrugs, scratches the back of his head, and goes on, "I guess there was time travel involved, so it was like this different version of you."

"Time travel?"

"Yeah, see? I dunno how to explain it. But you're here again, and you remember, and I just...I mean, holy shit." He laughs again.

She doesn't know how to react, how to tell him she's there, that she won't let anything or anyone take her or make her forget her family again, that somehow she'll find a way to overpower anyone who would try. But then she looks at his face and realizes he can feel it. Putting it into words in her head is at least helping her, though.

She kisses him again once his breath has steadied, and he moves his hand down her arm, gently squeezing her wrist.

She gasps sharply, sucking the air through her teeth as she jerks her hand away. He furrows his brow.

"What is it?"

She's silent, taking a moment to slow down her breathing. He lets her have that before asking again.

"Baby? What's wrong, are you okay?"

"Just -" she says, her breath still shaky. "Don't squeeze so tight."

He seems to know that she's not going to explain any further, so he simply nods.

"Okay," he says softly. "Okay, I won't."

She nods back before lying on her back across the bed. Looking up at the ceiling, she tries not to recall how Thanos didn't need to squeeze. He didn't need to hold her tight at all. For him, it was effortless. It's the resistance that took her back just now. Peter lies down next to her.

"What're you thinkin'?" he mutters.

She turns her head to face him, and decides she's going to think something else.

"I love you," she says simply.

"I love you too."

"So what are _you_ thinking?"

"You're amazing."

"Peter," she says through a soft laugh.

He just smiles at her and reaches out his hand to brush some hair out of her face.

"I mean it, I'd give you the whole-ass universe if I could."

There are still traces of tears in his eyes, but there's also that look of amazement she's missed _so much_ the last six months. The one that says there's no doubt he loves her, that there's not a shred of fear, even in the back of his mind, even in their darkest moments, that she would ever turn on him or give him any reason not to trust her. It's often been what soothed that fear in her own mind, an affirmation he might not even be aware he's giving her.

Her smile fades, but it doesn't disappear.

"I don't want it," she says with a shrug. Then, after a beat, "We should put on some music."

"Alright," he says, getting up to grab the Zune. "Any requests?" He takes it from the nightstand and starts scrolling through the library.

"Bishop."

"Comma 'Elvin?'"

"Yes."

"Comin' right up!"

He lies back next to her and puts one earbud in his left ear, handing Gamora the other one to put in her right before pressing play.

They're silent for the next few minutes, just letting the song play out. Gamora closes her eyes and thinks back to the first time she heard it. She notes in her mind that she's always going to have it to go back to if she wants it, along with so many other things. She's insistent to herself that she can choose to hold on to things like this now, that nothing can take it from her. They would have to kill her, and she's sure as hell not going to allow that either.

When the outro starts, Peter breaks her thoughts by singing along to the backing vocals in falsetto.

_Fooled around -_

"Fooled around!"

_Fooled around -_

"Fooled around!"

_Fooled around -_

"Fooled around and fe-ell i-in lo-ove!"

He looks over at her and grins as the song ends. She rolls her eyes but doesn't bother trying to hide her smile.

Nothing's going to take this from her, and she's certainly not going to deny it to herself.


End file.
